The 100th post

100th post.
Nothing to write.
Typing nonsense here as we speak.
Oooh broccoli magnet.
Okay, random.

I love David and Adam.
Forever and ever.
Which TK is probably bored of listening to me repeating that for countless times.

I did a great, great thing.
Thank you, Jonathan (Wan).

Watched 2012, love it.
I love Adam.

Okay this is getting us nowhere.
Outta here.


XOXO

Of successes and impossible hopes

You know what?
I don't feel happy at all.
I don't know, it feels weird not to be happy and all,
but I am not, I don't know why.
Totally emotionless when I heard the news.
I didn't scream, laughed or cry unlike them,
I don't know why.

I just know that it's over and I've gotten what I wanted.
My parents are happy for me, I think.
Cause well, ours is a family that don't reveal feelings much.
So, whatever.
I mean, even if I received an award from the King (Yeah, it's just an example),
my father wouldn't show his pride and happiness like say, a new father watching his firstborn reciting Shakespeare or something.
I don't know, it's an example, we just don't show our feelings. That's my point.

Anyway, I don't bother about it anymore.
Although it's all good, I personally think that it's just one of the first few steps.
There are alot more obstacles I have to face in order to achieve my dreams.

I'm looking forward to 2010 and the following years.
2009 sucked bad for me, baaad.
The good part is that I didn't break my vow, my C.C swear and I'm on my way and soon to prepare myself for the following battles.

I think God played a part in this too,
whenever I lose faith in myself or interest in any of these,
I always thought of it as "Hey, this is a challenge. God wants you to face this. You can't run away from it. Do something, do something now."
Well, I passed the challenge, and I really thank God for..., everything.
I believe in miracles, you know.

I would like to take this opportunity to voice this out :
I'm proud of you, Bridgette, Christina.
I love you, sisters.

***

Note : You don't have to read this. It's going to bore the life out of you.

Okay, I think I've started to think of you as my friend.
Nothing more.
I guess...
Well, it's not easy for me to totally shut you out of my life,
and it's not easy for me to think of you as more than a friend.
We both know that won't happen...

It's just that I saw the look on your face just now,
yes, don't think I wasn't paying attention to you, because I was.
I tried, at least I tried.
I didn't ignore you, how could I do that?
After what, years and years of knowing you,
I couldn't bring myself to do that.
I had to act normal and treat you as a friend.
What can I do, huh?
I'm like that, you should know by now.

Well, I know that you may think of me in a negative way,
but there's nothing I can do to change your opinion of me,
so I'm not going to try.

I don't regret knowing you,
I never did.
I hope one day you can see,
one day you can understand me.
I pray that day will come soon,
because I can't bear with this any longer.
I gave up on you before,
and I don't want to lose a friend now.
I need you to help me.
Help me treat you the way I treat everyone else.
Help me change the way I think about you.

"Tell me what do you see..."

PS : I need to learn how to say no!

XOXO

I never asked for more...

















You don't know how much it effing hurts me,
and I thought I could trust you, love you.





XOXO

Forever love ♥

Happy anniversary.

Happy birthday Dad, on the 1st November,
and Mum, on the 16th.

Love~

PS : Oh, I don't believe in the Friday the 13th superstitions, btw.

But yes, I just realized, it is Friday the 13th November, hmmm.

XOXO

Edited post.

The first thing I did when I got the room was check the bathroom xP

She wanted to go higher but I was in heels, so what the heck xP

The last time I did this was when I was six, you shall never see me doing this again (:

True love, it's out there, I know it is.

The both of us with on the staircase with real nice lighting.

Cute little colourful puddings, joy.

Outside Room 402.

Group discussion~

The hills are alive with the sound of music...

Everyone was squeezing in here at that time,

smart bitches could have made me fall.

And that's why we're such great friends (:

Group picture.

Christina : I look fat here.

Crystal : I look fat here.

YS : What?

And I pushed her down after that xP Hahah. Yeah right.

I love this one, a whole lot.

I think we were staring at the mountains or something.

Models of the year? Konon.

Watched Demon in the Mirror after this, LOL.

Staring at the waves, thinking of you.

Do Re Mi Fa So

Love's like that, you can't go on chasing after him when you know he doesn't love you back.

YS wanted a photo of this, so there you go, YS.

My other bridesmaid.

Yes, we do love the nature.

The Gang ♥

Christina : Don't post this up, don't post this up.

Crystal : *smirks* Nyahah.

The must have mirror picture,

yes I know there are many mirror pictures already,

please shut up, thank you! (:

As mentioned in the last caption.

My daughter in law, I love her loads.

Taken from our room.

PS : I had to type in little captions and words here and there,

I'm not a complete picture freak, I need words.

Moreover, I don't like reading blogs filled with photos and no words, it's like

picture picture picture picture picture.

I don't pay attention to the pictures if there are no words so whatev, my blog, my way (:

XOXO

A string of stuff to make up for an update

Watched The Sound of Music with Bridgette.
Yes, yes, it's a very old movie, but it's really great.
Captivating, I should say, touching and very sentimental.
All of their voices were great.
The part where they confessed their love was the part where I jumped up and
exclaimed in triumph, I bet TK was laughing (:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

***

Anyway, sleepover on the 6th November.
We'll make it brief, shall we?

What : Sleepover, prefects annual lunch the next day (7th Nov).
When : 6/7th Nov.
Where : Tanjung Bungah Beach Hotel, G Hotel for lunch on the 7th.
Who : Crystal, Christina, Zulaikha, SY, YS, Hui Ming.

Okay whatever, you all know the drill.
Loads of talking and stuff.
Watched 5 minutes of Demon in the Mirror at night,
5 minutes because no one knew the starting and no one was interested xP
Was talking to JY while watching movie and singing Future Love at random pick.
It was okay, walked around GP and camwhored, alot.

***

Note to the Bridgette,
remember, bridesmaid!
We made the unbreakable Sister Swear (:
(Words are bolded to emphasize on their importance)
Oh and, a singing duet of "My Favourite Things" at my wedding dinner too, please.
Yes, I'm aware that it's too early for talks on these, but it's a vow that you can't go back on (:

XOXO

I shall be abandoning this blog for some time..

The title says it all.

Oh well, I blog what I want and when I want.
It doesn't matter even if my total readership consists of a sixty year old man living in Bangladesh or whatever (:

PS : I'm lazy to exercise gahh. Oh no, oh no.

XOXO

Obsession, obsession, go away

He's cute, funny, and he totally stole my heart.
He's kind, friendly and exactly like a brother.
Trust me, exactly like one.

I thought you were gone,
but then you came back into my life again.
I value our friendship, and I value your parents' trust in me.
If we were meant to be together, I know that things will turn out right.
With you, I can believe in forever,
because I see no obstacles that stand between us.

Perhaps it's another girl, or perhaps you're not ready for love,
either way, I still love you, like my family.
Will you ever feel the same way about me?
It has been a long time,
and I need to get over you.

"Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake."

PS : I'm probably going to delete this post once I feel like it,
I hate reading this kind of stuff.

XOXO

Will upload more pictures when I'm free.

Sleep deprived.

Okay, I have this problem.

I can sign in to MSN from this computer account, but not from another seperate one.

Does anyone know how to solve this error code 8001012e?

It's driving me crazy, the latest version of MSN.

XOXO

I feel like screaming nowadays.
Why, oh why is everything going wrong?!

I'm bloody happy, scratch that, overjoyed
that 2009 is going to end in say..., around 2 months.
I'm seriously upset now,
at myself, at everyone else.
Including you.
You really remind me of myself and everyone I knew who was like that,
it's just sometimes, people don't learn from their experiences.
And.., ah never mind, no comment.

It's your life, you live it.
I have no say, I just care for you.
And I don't want to be there laughing at you when that happens,
and go "Hah, I told you so."
Because I didn't tell you so, of course not!
Which living soul with a heart would do that?
Hey, like what the f- (Oops, anger rush, control, control..)
do you think I like bursting your little bubble of happiness, hope, love,
etc., etc., etc.?
It's not gonna end the way we want it to be.
Wake up.
Life isn't a fairytale damn it.


Okay, I really shouldn't think of that anymore.
But hey, what can I do?!
I'm on the edge of losing one of the greatest people I ever knew,
and I really don't want to blame you for that.
I really, really don't want to.
So I'm not going to.
But frankly, I cannot disagree with what she said that weekend.
I understand her words now..

PS : I can't help posting negative posts, life is a bitch now.

XOXO

Of lost hopes and loved ones

It isn't worth the pain, the time or the sorrow.
It isn't worth it.
I should know, I should know.

I only wish you the best of life and happiness,
but hey, even you know,
All is lost..

I can only hope that you don't go through what I went through before.

***

Damn it.
I'm gonna miss you Christina.
Benjamin, Timothy, Nicole, your mum and dad.

You are practically like family to me now,
I hate losing all of you.

God bless you, may He keep you all safe from harm and danger.
When things go wrong and you have no one to talk to,
remember you can always IM me, and of course,
Jesus is always there for you.

I hope that Benjamin finds a good girlfriend,
Timothy achieves his ambitions,
Nicole copes well with school,
and you, I hope that you get good grades,
I hope that all turns out well,
I hope that you look before you leap (No, seriously. )

C.C. forever, I love you.

***

Moving on..,
love is blind, huh?
Well, I don't disagree.
But I will not fall that easily again.
I honestly think love is for fools,
well, that's me.
If you have this amazing boyfriend or whatever,
I'm happy for you.
I don't know now, cause I can't feel anything at all.
And I'm not gonna try to figure that one out.
I've hurt enough people already,
mainly the group of girls who were crazy over X.
I don't intend to do that again.

Show me that good things come to those who wait ♥

I'm dealing with every other aspect of life right now,
and this is definitely not what I need now.
Determinedly sticking to my New Year Reso Number One.

" I will endure, I will."

PS : Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.
Rainbows, lollipops, Dreamland whatever.

XOXO

Has been a while since I talked to sis.
Called her just now, and we talked about boys. Nothing better to talk about, I guess.
Biasa..
TK, LF, Tatt, BiaoJie, J-Angel, Henry, Ivan etc.
Had quite a laugh.

It's not everyday I get to talk to someone up close and personal.
It's serious and a joke at the same time.
At least sis knows when I'm joking and when I'm really liking that guy.
I think? :/

Christina and YS are quite okay to hang out with too,
it's just the fact that CF will probably say something like,

"OMG I just dreamt of you and my brother walking down the aisle with me trailing behind as the bridesmaid and Tim as the best man yada yada yada..."

Alright, fine I know that sounds like the way I would speak,
but, something like that. Do use your imagination a little bit, you beautiful mind, you.
And then I would LOL and go, " Now, you know that's not gonna happen, it's not funny anymore" .__________.

***

I really had more in mind to blog about, but I forgot about everything
after thinking about what CF said the other day.
Hahahah, Ben, you can thank your lucky stars, I'll slaughter your sister before that happens (:

PS : I know this isn't a decent post. Maaf .__.

XOXO

Of love and war

I can emphasize with that pain.
The feeling of loving someone and you know they love someone else so deeply.
I don't want it to replay.
God forbid, I don't want it to.
And I'm going to do my best to stick to my word.
It was Resolution Number One of my New Year resolution list,
and I have a feeling that I can stick to it.

XOXO

Cause I'm not like that

Life's not good these few days.
Trust me, I would know.

I smile even when I feel like screaming my head off,
I smile even when I've been screwed over countless times that week,
I smile even when every single thing seems to be going wrong.
You know why??
No, of course not.
No one wishes to know, because it will bring them unease moments later,
so I tell no one. Especially not people in your category.
I don't mean to judge,
I don't like to judge.
But sometimes there's a need for you to classify the people you know,
and rate how much you trust them, before you do the wrong thing.

God bless Jonathan and (name written in code for privacy purposes) is all I have to say.
I sincerely thank you all for teaching me, listening and all you've done for me before.
Do you remember that when you used to ask me what's wrong, I simply smiled and shook my head? I think now you can see why I did that. I hope so.
Everytime I'm down, I need something to help me release that tension.
I'm still searching for it, but I'm positive I will find it, soon..


I'm more than grateful towards those who always reminded me God was listening.
When the world turn its back on me, I know that this one person won't ; Jesus.
I will go through this, I will beat this, I will win this.

" Cause everything was just a lie, I know..."

PS : If I were a bitch, I would have slapped you there and then,
And if I were the girl you knew before, I would have broke down in front of you.
But I'm not.
I did neither, I spun on my heel and left. And that turned out to be the best option.

PPS : I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here.

XOXO

Update

Ninjaaaa.
















I love this one, don't you? (:
















Threesome~

That's YeeSan trying not to smile while she knew she was laughing inside.















You see?? (:

Yesterday was fun (:

Went out from early morning until 11 p.m.

Oh, just remembered,

have to study for KH ._____.

Had so much in mind to blog about,

blame Blogger uploader, slow gila.

Now my mind's a blank.

One moment you're all

"Oh yeah! And there's this blahblahblah and that blahblahblah and oooh oooh! Don't forget this blahblahblah! xDDDD!"

and the next you're all "Eh... .____."

Pfft.

Oh, scroll up.
Remember I mentioned Blogger uploader?
Well the thing screwed up my whole draft and deleted all the other pictures that are supposed to be inserted


HERE.


It took me 30 bloody minutes to get them up on Blogger and this is what I get .___.
I give up, go read a book or something, this is as long as my update can get.
Screw Blogger.
Goodbye.

XOXO

I think everyone around me is having PMS lately,
including myself (and also guys I know)
Ah well..

I'm gonna die if this continues.
Damn, I think I have to block myself out from the world for now.

It's not easy to not lose it when I'm facing you,
do you know how hard is it for me to hold it all in?

"Keep holding on.."

XOXO

I'm back!

Yes, I'm back.
Muahahahah...

Sincere apologies for my lack of updates.
Busy busy busy.

This is one of the short posts of mine.
Will try to blog if I can,
hectic days, need time.

Out of here.

XOXO

Picturesque

XOXO

And I will fall for you, over again

... No I won't (:
Cause I'm not gonna let you bring me down down down
:D

XOXO

Contented

I'm fine..
And I thought I wasn't gonna be.
At least I can accept all this and go live under my rock.
I'm not going to break down halfway.
You'll never see me cry.

XOXO